PTSD is an interesting thing to deal with. It makes you irritable, anxious, or even sad in an instant. Sometimes you don't feel anything at all...just numb. It will come out of nowhere and last for days leaving you confused as to why you feel the way you do. Overwhelming thoughts fill your head:
"How do I stop the tears from coming again?"
"Shouldn't I be over this by now?"
"Will I ever feel excited or happy again?"
I make a choice every day to rise above and overcome my obstacles. Focusing on the sad and negative things doesn't exactly help me be inspired to live out my destiny. I've overcome cystic fibrosis and experienced a journey of total health and wholeness that I used to only dream about, but since losing our home to a fire several months ago, I've realized that struggling with the emotional stress of PTSD can be a real downer. To put it frankly - it sucks! I've made a habit of looking for sprouts in my life though - you know, the small positive things that are proof of what's going right and what's on the grow. It would be so easy to hide in shame, like a puppy with its tail between its legs; but God didn't design me to be the type of person that gives up or gives in.
Several months ago the overwhelming emotions from PTSD were so strong, that I really just needed a big hug and some encouragement. Do you ever feel that way? Ever cry out to God and say "Lord, I know you have great things for me, but today I really just need some encouragement so please send lots of it!" Well one February day I cried out to God, and as usual, he answered. Here's what happened...
I was sitting at Starbuck's, kicking resistance in the butt by writing. It was going great - I was in a comfortable chair with my legs curled up, my soy caramel machiatto steaming in the cup beside me, and my pen was going like crazy as words poured out of me. Then I heard a polite, raspy voice ask me, "anyone sitting here, Miss?"
I looked up and smiled at the joyful face looking intently at me. "Nope!"
"Mind if I sit here?"
"Not at all - it's all yours!" I exclaimed, smiled and went back to writing.
He sat down and I kept writing, secretly hoping that he would let me continue on task. No such luck. He introduced himself as Gene and started chatting with me; he even asked if I was a writer. I began to recognize the moment as a rare one, so, I put my notebook down and embraced the gift in front of me - the gift of learning about someone new.
We talked for an hour and he began to tell me a story about his Grandma. I marveled as this retired gentleman reminisced about a moment from his past as a 16 year old. He shared how his Grandma gave him $5 to go to a dance. And then she told him, "Gene, don't go to this dance with your tail between your legs!" In other words, he explained, she wanted him to "wag his tail!" She was encouraging him to go and meet people, have fun, share his story - not hide in shame and be shy.
As Gene left, I chuckled to myself. God is so awesome in how He orchestrates things. Watching Gene walk out the door, I felt God tell me, "Mandy, wag your tail!"
It's not easy to wag your tail when PTSD, CF, disease, or any kind of pain and discomfort comes your way and lingers longer than you wish. But have you ever watched a dog? Ajah B., my miracle dog, always welcomes me home by wagging her tail. Even on her worst day - when she had spent six hours in an apartment fire fearing for her life, once she saw me and I picked her up and held her, she wagged her tail! Why? Cause she felt safe again, she was happy to see me and share her fear with me. She was still scared - she was shaking from fear, but she was happy to share it!
So, my friends, instead of being ashamed of having PTSD, CF, depression, disease, or any kind of struggle, let's vow to "wag our tails" in the midst of it. Our stories just might be what helps save someone else from drowning in despair!
Born with cystic fibrosis, Mandy B. Anderson's journey of overcoming a life-threatening disease encourages and equips people to rise up and conquer their own barriers in life. She is an inspirational speaker, singer, writer and wellness coordinator who shares her life in such a way that you feel like you just spent time with your best friend. Mandy cares about people, and is passionate about helping them overcome their obstacles so they can live their lives in true wholeness. Download your free copy of the E-book "True Wholeness: Lessons Learned On My Journey From Cystic Fibrosis To Total Health" at http://www.mandybanderson.com/
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